Managing Autism - A Personal View

We were away for 48 hours but it feels so much longer - funny how time seems to pass.

This past weekend, the kids and I headed away for a break to my parents home.  I had a chance to spend a little time on my own with plenty of ‘babysitters’ around, and we all had a chance to get away from ‘life at home’ (which did us all some good).

For the last week or so I have been struggling with judgement - or I should say, self judgement.

I wrote recently about dropping to a really low point with the kids, where I was trying just to keep my head above water.  It is usually during these times that the self doubt and self judgement tend to set in, but I thought this time I had avoided it - that is, until it hit me square in the face late last week.

Self judgement serves no purpose other than to eat away at our self confidence and self esteem, but when you’re caught up in the moment, it is difficult to see past your own doubts and feelings of inadequacies.

So although I was getting back on top of things with the kids, by the time the past weekend rolled around, I was floundering in a sea of self judgement.  Thankfully some time spent with my aunt (and some time to talk a whole lot of things through) saw me heading back up the scale of self confidence.

Living with an autistic child (or for that matter any child with special needs), is very different to living with a ‘typical’ child.  And I find that most of my self judgement begins when I feel like I’m being judged by others.

But I have to remind myself that I’m a great Mum - I love my kids with all of my heart and they love me.

After my weekend away I now have a new quote stuck up on my wall at home:

“I can just be who I am”

(Louise Hay)

Judgement removes a person’s ability to do this.

So regardless of what’s going on around me, and what others think or say, I need to remember this most of all.

Elissa

With Jack approaching the start of his first year of school, we have been working with him on developing some strategies to help him in the classroom.

During our visit with Jack’s Speech Pathologist this week we worked on some strategies using ‘visuals’ to help Jack think through the steps involved in a task, and at the same time work independently.

I have to say, we have been totally blessed with Jack’s Speech Pathologist - in fact we couldn’t ask for better!  She is extremely warm, generous and supportive, and Jack has taken a real fancy to her (he really looks forward to going to therapy sessions).  Really, she has been a wonderful support all round - and at a time when we’ve especially needed it.

Anyway, Jack’s Speech Pathologist had put together some task boards for him to work with during the session (and for us to use as a starting point at home), and he took to the idea really well.  Although he wanted to negotiate on the order of some of the tasks to be completed, he was happy to work through the process.

The task boards also brought to our attention the fact that we need to look at re-doing Jack’s basic daily schedule here at home.  We put a basic schedule together for him some time ago, but have never been back to reassess it’s appropriateness as his needs developed.  But we can see from how he worked with the task boards that he is ready for his schedules to be more detailed and involved - and this should help settle him into a better routine as well.

So it’s off to the drawing board (or computer) with Jack’s schedules and task boards this weekend… well, we will tackle it a bit at a time anyway…

A few months ago, I had a question on the blog from someone wanting to know if I knew about Colour Therapy at all (in relation to autism).  I didn’t know much about Colour Therapy as such (I had heard of it) but have since looked into the idea of colour, and how it may effect people.

There has been research to show that colour can have quite an effect on our moods, emotions and behaviours.  And it is suggested that Colour Therapy can be used to help improve and balance your emotional state.  (You can even try self-help Colour Therapy!)

In my search to find out about Colour Therapy I discovered that colour can be used to co-ordinate the sides of the brain, and hence, it is used with autism, dyslexia and Aspergers Syndrome.

Jack’s favourite colour is red - and I have wondered if this is simply his personality shining through, or if it is simply a colour that he needs more of in his life.  I tend to think that he has a ‘red’ personality:

Red is a very physical colour.  Red signifies having excess energy, being somewhat ‘fiery’ and can involve aggression.  Red is a very stimulating colour, which is perhaps reflected in the ‘overstimulation’ he experiences.  A red person may be insensitive, impatient, and domineering.  But on a more positive note - red also signifies strength, will and courage, and is important for physical vitality.  Red is the colour of life, love, warmth and passion.  A red person may be enthusiastic, assertive, strong-willed, and self-motivated.

Mmm… perhaps this is why I like Green - all the ‘Red’ in the house needs to be balanced somehow!

Elissa

“The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant.  It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”

(From Pokemon)

Messages kept mysteriously appearing in our inbox yesterday - funny what the Universe throws at us sometimes…

This one I thought was really valuable to share.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,‘Who would like this $20 bill?’ Hands started going up.He said, ‘I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.He then asked, ‘Who still wants it?’ Still the hands were up in the air.

Dirty and trampled upon, or crisp and clean - our value doesn’t change!

Elissa

Sometimes when things get really rough, and life just seems too difficult to cope with, we forget how truly lucky we are.

I had a message in my inbox this morning, from a friend who I had not heard from for quite some time.  She wasn’t aware of the struggles I had been facing over the past few weeks, but her message arrived at just the right time.

So thank you Ivonne, for this beautiful message, and for just knowing how perfect it was for me today.

Now I pass on the message to all of you - please share it with others, and “Blessings to You”

A Beautiful Message

Today, hold someone’s hand, give someone a hug, or simply reach out with a smile - give someone else the feeling of being blessed and loved. 

When I look at the beautiful faces around me I know just how blessed and loved I truly am.

Elissa xx

To my wonderful blogging friends - thank you for your kind words over the last few days… that have lifted my spirits, and comforted me in the knowledge that I’m not alone.

I’m in the process of catching up on some sleep, and getting ready to face the new week, with some of that strength and patience I was looking for.

As you all know, there’s always some more courage to be found…

Okay so a good night’s sleep would be nice… in fact so nice I think it would be too good to be true if it really happened… I’m really tired and…

Another public meltdown yesterday, and I bore the brunt of it.  Granted it wasn’t at the shopping centre, or in front of strangers…

It was in front of new friends, who were very understanding and really supportive…

…but still really hard to face people when it happens…

(Inside I scream - “Can I be someone else just for a day - I’d like to try a different job today -PLEEEASE!!!)

And to think all was going well to that point… What could I have done differently?  What could I have done differently?  What could I have done differently?

Maybe thrown my hands up in the air and said -”this is all too hard - I’m not dealing with your stuff any more!”  No, that wouldn’t have helped at all - just created more chaos in fact.  If social niceties are incomprehendable, a raving mad mother would most likely cause a total shutdown…

… and really I would never quit… I’m not here to quit - I’m here to love… totally, unconditionally… I know that more than anything…

Tears come too easily at the moment, and I know it’s just tiredness.

Sometimes I cry for my kids and for me…

I cry for them because I love them…

I cry that one day it might be easier…

… a break would be really good.

Maybe some annual leave?  Mmm… shame this job doesn’t provide those benefits…

Some sleep would be nice, and some more strength, and some more patience… please God…

I’ll find it today

Elissa has taken Jack out for a play date this morning, which means I have posting duties - so I thought it was about time I introduced one very important member of the family who we haven’t written about before.

So here he is…

meet Max.

Max is who we affectionately know as our ‘other Aspie’.  He and Jack are very similar in personality - they both like to be in charge and run the household.

They both have their moments of being extremely cuddly, but have a bit of a fiesty streak (a little hyper) as well.

They both like to think they are very independent, but at the same time, they like to have everything done for them.

Sometimes they drive each other crazy when one races around the house and the other is on full ’sensory alert’, but most often they are very understanding of each other  - they seem to sense when the other needs cuddles and as such, Jack’s bed is one of Max’s favourite spots to sleep (right next to his head if he can!).

Max is a very much loved member of the family, and at times has been wonderful at helping to calm Jack - who would have thought?

Steve

The last few days have been quite chaotic with Jack, and meltdowns have been running high.  We’ve had tears, we’ve had yelling, and at times we’ve had total out of control behaviours.

Why?  The only thing we can attribute the heightened irritability to is the ‘let down’ following the Christmas / holiday season - or maybe it’s the current heat wave we’re experiencing.  We’re not sure, but we are all very much worn out and looking for a reprieve (from heated behaviours as well as weather)!!!

If we can just make it through one more day…

And to add to Jack’s meltdowns, Annie has developed a sudden fear of not being able to find us - she cries and whines or screams every time she notices one of us has left the room (if we haven’t told her we’re going), and we are battling to get her to sleep during the night.

All combined it doesn’t make for a very calm household at the moment.

So, if we can just make it through one more day…

How is it that we can pick ourselves up and just keep going?