Managing Autism - A Personal View

Elissa has spent the last few days trying to knock over a headache, as well as general aches and a feeling of not being well. (She thinks she’s just run down after a big start to the year and that her body is trying to catch up!)

So the posting has been entrusted to me!!

Over the Easter weekend, Elissa and I were given the opportunity to enjoy a night out for a few hours, and decided to take in a movie. We had both seen the previews for a local Aussie movie called The Black Balloon, and decided that it would be great to go and see it.

Wow! - A great film with typical Aussie humour, but the best bit is that it is centred around the sibling of an autistic teenager.  The movie deals with the sibling’s struggle to come to terms with his brothers autism, and how it relates to his and his family’s life.

You can view the trailer, and some other information about the film here.

We really enjoyed it! (Could have just been the fact that we were also out alone and acting like adults for the first time in a long time!!) It was confronting at stages, and it was interesting to hear the audiences reaction to some of the more confronting parts.  I would certainly recommend it, and hopefully it will be released widely for everyone to see.

Steve

In a post we wrote sometime ago we introduced you to our ‘5th’ member of the family (Max the cat), and his special ability to calm and influence Jacks behaviour. This past weekend we had the opportunity to babysit another family favourite - Dunstan the dog.

Dunstan (or Dun, as he is called) has been in the extended family for over 10 years, and is a beautiful natured dog who just senses the mood and needs of others around him. Jack has a very special bond with Dun, and is always excited when he comes to stay.

Saturday was the day, and Jack was pacing the floor waiting for his special friend to arrive.  By early morning he had already placed 2 bowls of food, 3 water containers and a pile of sticks neatly out on the grass in readiness for play.

From the moment Dun arrived, he was so excited!! He began jumping all over the place, chasing birds, and rolling in the dirt! (Dun did some of those things too!)

From the photo you can see how happy both Dun and Jack looked together, and considering they spent the best part of 5 hours on Saturday afternoon playing together, they both slept like babies that night! Sometimes we underestimate the effect that family pets can have on our kids, and considering I grew up with family pets it was nice to have some of the memories come flooding back.

Now, if only I can convince Elissa to let Jack and I have a puppy…….!

Steve

“Dad, wake up its time for school, its time for school!” Jack shouted. It is about 6.00am, and I am woken from my slumber…. At first I thought I had just watched Nemo one too many times, but soon realised that it was in fact a very excited Jack!

“Come on Dad, I don’t want to be late - get up!”

Here we go, I thought - the emotional rollercoaster that is the first day at school…

First it was the uniform, that we had laid out the night before. Then it was the lunch box, drink bottle, hat, library bag, sandals and finally the school bag. Jack was all dressed, bags packed and ready to go to school…….I looked at the clock in the kitchen - 6.47am!! I did not think that the teachers would appreciate an early arrival at that hour in the morning, so it was time for a little stalling.

“Jack you can’t go to school without breakfast - what will I make for you?”

“I have already had it Dad - see, the bowl is there.”

“Who made that for you mate?” I asked, still a little bleary eyed!

“I did Dad, Mum said yesterday that I could go to school after breakfast, so I got up early and made my own - can we go now?”

I smiled and laughed, and started to explain to Jack that the teachers were only just getting out of bed as well, and that they still needed to get ready - no one would be at school for another couple of hours. Jack laughed, and said that he was really excited, but didn’t want to be at school by himself.

 ”Maybe we should wait for the teachers to arrive before we go,” Jack stated. 

I thought this was a wonderful idea, and explained that I was going to get ready myself, and then we would be ready to go.

I thought that I would have an emotional wreck on my hands with Elissa, but she handled herself extremely well and it was excited smiles all round.

The only time that I detected a tear, was when Annie said ” I will miss you Jackie” - it was a beautiful moment, and hugs all round as we got into the car to go to school.

Of course Jack knew the way, and at one point decided that I was not driving fast enough! We arrived at school and walked in with Jack, and all the other kids with their parents.

Now, being our first child we did not really know what to expect - but you hear all the time about kids are crying and not wanting to leave their parents.

“Love you Mum, Love you Dad, Love you Annie - you go now!” Jack said, as only Jack can say. I knew in that moment that he had really grown up, and was well and truly ready for his adventure at school. Much to his disgust, Elissa, Annie and I did hang around for a little longer watching him settle in.

“I love Ninja Turtles…” were the last words that I heard him say to another little boy as we left.

Elissa contained herself, and the tears didn’t start until we hit the car. “What’s wrong mummy, why are you crying?” asked Annie. A big cuddle from Annie, a few tissues (and coffee and chocolate cake later) and Elissa was feeling better!

Jack had a fantastic day, and according to his teacher did heaps of activities - but if you ask him he says “I can’t remember.” Hopefully in the days, weeks and years ahead, school will be one of the great times for him to remember.

For the record, Jack is excited about going back in the morning, Annie enjoyed her one on one time with Mum, Dad is extremely proud, and Elissa will enjoy a very much deserved glass of wine this evening!

Steve

” I can’t believe my little baby is starting school” - Elissa’s first words to me this morning…. I knew the moment was coming, and she has been very brave until now, but I knew that it was really starting to hit home.

” Do you think he is ready?”

” How will he cope, and will he be ok?”

I have heard all of these questions before, and we have discussed them at length - sometimes with all the answers, sometimes with none. I was just about to launch into one of my famous full of wisdom responses, when the best answer possible arrived in our bedroom.

“Morning! - am I going to school this morning?” Jack asks.

Here stands our beautiful boy, full of happiness, excitment, and adventure - dressed from head to toe in his school uniform, school bag over the shoulder, empty lunch box in hand and a grin from ear to ear.

“You start school tomorrow buddy” I reply without thinking too hard (it was only 6.45am!). The look on Jacks face went from pure joy to disappointment in a heartbeat. (How bad did I feel!)

“I thought you said we were going to see my teacher today?” Jack asked confused.

“We are going to see your teacher, but just for a short time so you can get familiar with your classroom.  You don’t have to wear your uniform if you don’t want to.”

“I want to dad, I can’t wait to get to school and I can’t wait to play with all the other kids - can we go now?”

At this point in time, I glance over at my beautiful wife - one little tear rolling down her cheek, but the biggest grin from ear to ear that I have seen in a long time. I know in that moment that she has had her questions answered, and that they were the answers she was looking for. 

Tomorrow is the big day, and after the success we had with a short visit to school this morning I know Jack will be ok - I will be going to the supermarket shortly to stack up on tissues for Elissa, and I can only hope that she will let him go once we reach the classroom!

I look forward to posting again tommorow as we reach this very exciting emotional time.

Steve.

Elissa has taken Jack out for a play date this morning, which means I have posting duties - so I thought it was about time I introduced one very important member of the family who we haven’t written about before.

So here he is…

meet Max.

Max is who we affectionately know as our ‘other Aspie’.  He and Jack are very similar in personality - they both like to be in charge and run the household.

They both have their moments of being extremely cuddly, but have a bit of a fiesty streak (a little hyper) as well.

They both like to think they are very independent, but at the same time, they like to have everything done for them.

Sometimes they drive each other crazy when one races around the house and the other is on full ’sensory alert’, but most often they are very understanding of each other  - they seem to sense when the other needs cuddles and as such, Jack’s bed is one of Max’s favourite spots to sleep (right next to his head if he can!).

Max is a very much loved member of the family, and at times has been wonderful at helping to calm Jack - who would have thought?

Steve

You think you know the faces of AUTISM??IDENTIFIED

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Thought I’d kick start the new year with a video post. Interesting to think about some of these people and what they have achieved… One day it may be Jack and many of your kids on this video!

Steve

“Stick by rules and we can’t go wrong”….. famous last words…..

Last week was the Kindergarten Christmas Party - the much anticipated event of the year at the Preschool, and of course, Jack was excitedly anticipating it as much as any other child at the Preschool.

As many of you would remember from a recent post, we had made the decision this year to ‘re-structure’ our holiday social gatherings around the needs of an ‘autism spectrum disorder’ - translating to; be a little more ‘low key’ with our celebrations, and better plan and structure our outings.  However, with the Kindergarten Party being so high up on the ’social’ calendar for Jack, we relented on the ‘low key’ thing, and made the decision to face it head on.

So the afternoon of the Kindergarten Christmas Party arrives, and we sit down to review our plan for the occasion:

• We have been informed that Jack’s dietary needs (which are similar to some other children at the preschool) will be catered for, so we cross that off our list.
• We are very familiar with the layout of the Kindergarten yard (where the party will be held) so potential exit points are under control - cross this off the list.
• We have a schedule well organised - what time the party guests will arrive, what time food will be served, what time Santa will arrive, and what time we can leave - cross this off the list.
• We are familiar with many of the children at Kindergarten, so the guest list seems fairly manageable (as far as being a ’safe’ crowd) - cross this off the list.
• We have the yard marked out for supervision points - where we will position ourselves in order to have full view of every part of the yard so that if Jack is running (faster than we can keep up) we will still be able to fully supervise him and be by his side in a split second if needed, so we cross this off the list.
• Drinks and chairs are packed up next to Annie’s stroller (the preschool is within walking distance so we decide this will be a better option - takes out the extra issues that come with getting in and out of the car) and we are quietly confident all will go well.

Watching the clock closely, we plan our departure from home precisely to allow for the 5 minutes walking time to Kindergarten (allowing to arrive 15 minutes before the Party kicks off so that we can be settled in place before too many people arrive).

Sparing all the gory details of the Party, 1 1/2 hours later we arrived home, completely worn out and exhausted.  Have we learned our lesson?… hopefully yes (although how often do we forget again over time???).

According to Jack he had had a wonderful time at the party, but with the sensory overload of it all he had become totally hyper, had run nonstop to the point of causing himself nose-bleeds, and we had struggled to get any verbal instuctions though or have him make any form of eye contact.

We saw Santa briefly………. and did we eat?… well if you consider a sausage in bread (an Australian tradition to those of you wondering) on the run….. that was about it before we finally made our ‘well executed’ (considering the mayhem around us) exit, dragging 2 exhausted children home.

Now what was that about “low key”?….. famous last words!!!

Steve

How can you say no to that….?

Well, that’s what I thought anyway - This will be easy, a quick trip to the pool to wear them out and then enjoy a peaceful afternoon at home.

I told Elissa that we were off to the pool, and she gave me that “are you completely insane?” look, but then proceeded to pack the kids bags in record time and wave ever so sweetly as we drove down the street. Looking back this should have been my first clue……….

We arrive at the Pool, and get a park right out the front (first win to me!). The kids unload themselves, and charge into the building determined to beat each other into the water. I run after them, stopping only to pick up the 3 toddlers, 2 grandmothers, and 1 mother that had rather selfishly got in between my kids and the water!

After apologising to all involved, I make my way over to the attendant to pay the entry fee. I explained that my kids were already on the way to the pool and I needed to pay for them. I pointed them out, just in time for the attendant to witness the 2 of them doing “blowfish’s” on the beautiful clean windows for all to see! He then gave me another one of those “are you completely insane?” looks and passed on my receipt. In hindsight, this should have been clue number 2…….

The pool was very quiet (second win to me!), and apart from a couple of other families we were pretty much alone…….. or so I thought. Within about 15 minutes of us hitting the water, it turned into peak hour in the pool - we had water aerobics classes, swimming lessons, swimming training, birthday parties and to top it off a very large inflatable jumping castle placed in the deep end of the pool. What had been my ideal trip to the pool, had very quickly turned into my worst night mare (the kids thought it was great!).

Before I could plan our speedy exit, I think my kids sensed my fear and developed a very clever tactic - take off as fast as we can, in completely opposite directions (one may get caught, but at least the other gets a start on dear old dad!). I have to make a split second decision - do I just leave and pretend that they’re not my kids (not really, but sometimes it would be nice!) or which one do I chase first?

I capture Anna first, and make sure that she is safely away from the water, and begin the chase down of Jack. He is not hard to spot…. not only at this stage is he the only one running at full speed along the pool, but he has also decided the swimming shorts are not aerodynamic for a fast get away and has dispensed of them into the pool!

At this stage, I can also see the target of his getaway……. The Giant Inflatable Jumping Castle. With Anna under one arm, I start to gain ground on him. I try and ignore all the stares from the other adults (and laughter) - I get within 5 metres of him as he takes his first step onto the jumping castle, I just missed him. I must admit, the site was very amusing….. 1 naked boy did manage to clear the entire jumping castle, and proceeded to have a great time jumping about all by himself!

Eventually, I managed to get a hold of him and marched my 2 children out of the pool - after such a experience, I was just looking forward to getting back to the car. Just as we were reaching the door to leave (after a nice young girl had fished out the offending shorts), we passed a couple of elderly sunbathers out on the grass - My little girl turns to me, and says at the top of her voice “Dad, why doesn’t their skin fit?” (she was referring to their wrinkles).

I did not look back, but from the laughter I know that the whole pool probably heard the question… I could not get in the car quick enough, and arrived home to a very relaxed wife “Did you have a good time?” - I then explained the events to her. That was about 3 hours ago, and I think she is still laughing as I write this.

Luckily, I love my kids unconditionally and even as I write this I can’t wait for our next little adventure!  

     Steve

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Yes, we survived, and yes, the day was a success.

As Elissa indicated in our previous post, the preparation for the Birthday Party was nothing short of ‘professional’.  We had worked for days with Jack on social behaviours and the natural consequences of any choices he might make (and thanks Bonnie for your suggestions - we added these on the morning of the event just for good measure)!

The Party was scheduled to run for around 3 hours and initially we were prepared to exit at whatever point necessary - even before the party got underway if we needed to!  But Jack handled himself and the environment superbly. 

Taking the safest option, I stayed right by Jack’s side for much of the Birthday Party.  I was constantly planning one step ahead and analysing any potential threats to his state of mind but remarkably he remained calm and clear headed for most of the time.

We actually made it through the full length of the Party - about 10 minutes before the end (naturally at a time of changeover when many of the other children’s parents began arriving to pick them up) his ‘eyes rolled back’ and the behaviour started to become somewhat impulsive but we swiftly made the move towards the door and managed a graceful exit before things got out of control.

During our usual ’post-event debrief’, Elissa and I discussed just how ‘on the ball’ you need to be with a child such as Jack.  There is no room for letting your guard down, and you can’t afford not to prepare yourself well in advance.  But when you can walk away from an occasion such as the ‘Birthday Party’ and feel as proud as I did of how he handled himself, it is definitely worth all the hard work.

Steve

I have survived!

House clean, kids clean, promises all round not to tell Mum about the picnic on the bedroom floor…

Jack thought it was great fun and wants to do it again next week.

Success!!!

(And better still, by the time Elissa reads this it will all be over.)