Some days feel like they will never end - you just keep wishing it was time for bed for no other reason than being able to say that the day is over.  In fact, sometimes it’s not just a day, but days that turn into a week or more.

Gloomy as it seems, this week has been a huge week of challenges, and being Friday night here in Australia I have to admit I’m counting down the hours until I can say, “this week is over”.  I’m putting my hand up to say that this week I have struggled, often feeling overwhelmed, but mostly feeling incredibly tired.

Parenting any child is hard work, but add autism to the mix and life becomes a different ball game.  Like other parents with children who have special needs, life is extremely busy and never what you could call easy.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t give my kids away for anything in the world, I love them both to bits.  But sometimes I feel like it all just gets too hard.

So I’m having a ‘fall in a heap’ weekend.  Chocolate is definitely involved, and my wonderful husband is taking some time off work next week to spend with me and the kids.  Life will go on, and I will battle on.  But days like today remind me that I’m only human, and it’s okay to say “I’m struggling right now, I need help”.

A task for everyone today - ask a friend if there is something you can do for them?

Elissa

Thought for today: 

“You are happiest and most content when you value and appreciate the uniqueness of what you are and what you’re experiencing - without needing to compare it with anything else.”

(Paul Wilson, “A Piece of the Quiet”)

Yesterday I attended an Autism Workshop with Donna Williams and I have to say it was fantastic.  Donna had many wonderful ideas and strategies on dealing with different aspects of autism, addressing issues and problems in a way that I had never really heard before.  Her thoughts and ideas were so practical and user friendly, to the point where I was able to come home and try out some new strategies straight away.

Donna talked about the ‘Fruit Salad Model’ of Autism.  She noted that whilst most people understand that every case of autism is different, people also need to realise that we can’t address or treat the difficulties of autism with a ‘one size fits all’ approach.

During the afternoon I took many notes (which I am now still making sense of, but will eventually be able to put into a format that is understandable) and really had my eyes opened to different ways of tackling problems.

Donna talked a lot about finding the right way to work with different personality types.  She explained that the degree of success you would have in working with a person with autism depended very much on whether you approached the person in a way that suited their personality.  I found this really interesting and immediately did a mental check on how I approached Jack (and instantly found ways where I might be able to improve in my approach).

I went to the workshop seeking help and ideas in an effort to try and improve what I did at home with Jack, and I definitely found some answers.  In fact more than just practical answers.

As any parent with a child who has autism would understand, it can be nightmarish facing the real world where there is often harsh judgement and a lack of understanding.  For myself, it is often an effort to ‘face the world’ and the safety of home is very comforting.  Donna made a statement very early on in her workshop, she said, “there are heaps of people like me - if I run away, what hope do they have?”  This statement gave me a wake up call.  It certainly won’t change what I face when I go out into the world with Jack (or make it any easier), but her words have at least given me a sense of needing to push on regardless.  One day Jack is going to have to face life without me, and I need to make sure I am modelling a sense of courage and worthiness to him - otherwise, what hope will he have?

Yesterday was an invaluable experience.  I think anything that helps us in our understanding of autism is a good thing!

PS - Donna’s website is worth having a look at!

Elissa

I have been looking forward to today with anticipation.  Today I am heading off to a workshop with Donna Williams on “Understanding and working with challenging behaviours in people with autism”.

Donna Williams (who has autism herself) is an international public speaker and autism consultant and I am so looking forward to hearing her insights and ideas - which of course I will share here!

Here is a thought for today:

“When I loved myself enough

I came to see I am not special but I am unique”

(Kim McMillen)

 Elissa

I have written before on the pro’s and con’s of labels, and this post is far from a debate or discussion on that topic.  It is simply a reminder that words and actions are powerful and have an incredible effect on our children.

So find some ways to ‘free your child’ from what may restrict them in life:

• Find opportunities for your child to see themselves in a positive light - help them to see what they are good at and what is great about them.
• Put your child in an environment, and in situations, where they can succeed.
• Talk positively about your child to others - and let them hear you saying great things!  Having a special person believe in them and speaking proudly of them will do wonders for their self-esteem.

Too often (even without us realising), our children with autism have limits placed on them simply through the language we use and the actions we take around them.

Take the time to create an environment for your child’s life that is full of potential and belief - ‘free your child’.

Picture this…….. You start your journey home from a long and eventful day at work, fight with the Friday night traffic, make a few last minute phone calls to clients, and start to drift off into weekend mode - looking forward to winding down, de - stressing and enjoying time with your loving family (as well as catching up with some sport via the television).

Sounds great doesn’t it? - nothing abnormal there. At this point I should tell you that I am the proud dad of two beautiful kids, Anna who is nearly 3 and Jack who is nearly 6 and recently been diagnosed with Asperger’s.  I should also tell you that I am married to the modern day version of wonder woman, who organises and plans every aspect of the kids (and mine!) lives so that a resemblance of order is maintained every day.

Most of you (especially the ladies) are probably thinking - so what, this doesn’t sound any different to thousands of other homes, and you would be right…….. except this is no ordinary weekend! As I pull into the driveway, I notice that my wife’s car door is open, I walk over to shut it and notice the suitcase, hairdryer, makeup bag and other miscellaneous women’s stuff. Then it hits me (about the same time as my naked 5 year old is jumping into my arms to welcome me home) - this is the weekend I promised to look after the kids, and send my wife on a well deserved break! 

I start to panic….. can I really do this??….. who can I call in as back up??….. what are the emergency services numbers??….. and most importantly - how am I going to get to watch the game and what are we going to eat!?…..

To be continued ……….

Today’s post is simply a reflection - it is relevant for all parents, but today it is for those who are touched by a child with autism: 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you.

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls.

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

We were delighted to hear this ‘breaking news’ in Australia today:

PM unveils help plan for autism families

Wednesday Oct 3 11:20 AEST

The Howard government will on Wednesday announce a funding package to aid the parents of autistic children.

The package will be announced in a series of coordinated launches involving senior ministers across the country, including Prime Minister John Howard, who is on the Gold Coast.

Read more on this story at : http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=84226

Despite the usual political comments back and forth between parties, claiming one’s policy is better than the other, it’s great news for Australian families.

Steve & Elissa.

This is a message I received via email a few days ago - one of my regular inspiring messages from ‘My Daily Insights’, and one I wanted to share. When I read it I thought how true it was, we all need strength, but we all need courage too, and I think as parents we show tremendous courage even if we think we don’t have it.

 It Takes Courage
Author Unknown

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

Sent to you as a courtesy of…

Your friends at AsAManThinketh.net
http://www.AsAManThinketh.net

On one of my many searches for some insight into the workings of an autistic mind I came across some writings by an ‘aspie’.

The writings drew me in, so to speak, and I spent a long time pondering the messages within them - in fact, I often go back to them.

3 of the pieces that particularly caught my attention were:

I and They

How Can I…?

Alternative Viewpoints

The articles from “The Mind Within” are definitely worth a read.

http://within.autistics.org/index.html

Elissa