Managing Autism - A Personal View

Thought for today: 

“You are happiest and most content when you value and appreciate the uniqueness of what you are and what you’re experiencing - without needing to compare it with anything else.”

(Paul Wilson, “A Piece of the Quiet”)

Yesterday I attended an Autism Workshop with Donna Williams and I have to say it was fantastic.  Donna had many wonderful ideas and strategies on dealing with different aspects of autism, addressing issues and problems in a way that I had never really heard before.  Her thoughts and ideas were so practical and user friendly, to the point where I was able to come home and try out some new strategies straight away.

Donna talked about the ‘Fruit Salad Model’ of Autism.  She noted that whilst most people understand that every case of autism is different, people also need to realise that we can’t address or treat the difficulties of autism with a ‘one size fits all’ approach.

During the afternoon I took many notes (which I am now still making sense of, but will eventually be able to put into a format that is understandable) and really had my eyes opened to different ways of tackling problems.

Donna talked a lot about finding the right way to work with different personality types.  She explained that the degree of success you would have in working with a person with autism depended very much on whether you approached the person in a way that suited their personality.  I found this really interesting and immediately did a mental check on how I approached Jack (and instantly found ways where I might be able to improve in my approach).

I went to the workshop seeking help and ideas in an effort to try and improve what I did at home with Jack, and I definitely found some answers.  In fact more than just practical answers.

As any parent with a child who has autism would understand, it can be nightmarish facing the real world where there is often harsh judgement and a lack of understanding.  For myself, it is often an effort to ‘face the world’ and the safety of home is very comforting.  Donna made a statement very early on in her workshop, she said, “there are heaps of people like me - if I run away, what hope do they have?”  This statement gave me a wake up call.  It certainly won’t change what I face when I go out into the world with Jack (or make it any easier), but her words have at least given me a sense of needing to push on regardless.  One day Jack is going to have to face life without me, and I need to make sure I am modelling a sense of courage and worthiness to him - otherwise, what hope will he have?

Yesterday was an invaluable experience.  I think anything that helps us in our understanding of autism is a good thing!

PS - Donna’s website is worth having a look at!

Elissa

Today’s post is simply a reflection - it is relevant for all parents, but today it is for those who are touched by a child with autism: 

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you.

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls.

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness.

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

This is a message I received via email a few days ago - one of my regular inspiring messages from ‘My Daily Insights’, and one I wanted to share. When I read it I thought how true it was, we all need strength, but we all need courage too, and I think as parents we show tremendous courage even if we think we don’t have it.

 It Takes Courage
Author Unknown

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

Sent to you as a courtesy of…

Your friends at AsAManThinketh.net
http://www.AsAManThinketh.net

For a long time autism has been a dirty and misunderstood word.  Even today, for many people, the mention of the word autism triggers alarm bells and starts them thinking “lost cause”.  It doesn’t help that media and society often portrays negative images, and that most people only know autism as ‘Rainman’, disconnected and uncommunicative children, or out of control youths that destroy property and family relationships with their violence and aggravation.  With around 1 in every 160 children being diagnosed with the disorder, it’s time to remove the stigma attached to autism.

People with autism are not some special breed of people that need to be branded and shoved off in a corner somewhere.  Like anyone else, people with autism are beautiful and amazing beings that we could all learn a lot from. They only become people with autism when we start comparing certain aspects of their processing and functioning with that of a perceived “typical person”.  In fact, maybe we should change the word we use to describe autism from ’disorder’ to ‘difference’.  This puts everyone on a level playing field, as we are all ultimately different and unique in our own way.  We all have talents and we all have strengths and weaknesses.

Perhaps it’s time that the gifts people with autism bring to our lives be more widely recognised.  Starting today, try removing the comparisons from all things in life - try seeing things (and autism) for simply as they are.  Think of the flow on effect!

On one of my many searches for some insight into the workings of an autistic mind I came across some writings by an ‘aspie’.

The writings drew me in, so to speak, and I spent a long time pondering the messages within them - in fact, I often go back to them.

3 of the pieces that particularly caught my attention were:

I and They

How Can I…?

Alternative Viewpoints

The articles from “The Mind Within” are definitely worth a read.

http://within.autistics.org/index.html

Elissa

How many times have I asked myself this question?  Why me?

When we’re out shopping and my son starts to tantrum, and head butt me and yell inappropriate language at everyone around us, I ask myself this question.

When we’re out with friends and my son’s behaviour is aggressive and antisocial, and I’m on the receiving end of ‘advice’, disapproving comments, and feeling other people’s uncomfortable tension in the air, I ask myself this question.

When I have to refuse an invitation to a social gathering because I’m unsure of how he will cope or react, or when I avoid leaving the house because his behaviour is so unpredictable and it leaves me feeling completely exhausted, I ask myself this question.

When his little sister shields her face and body as he runs past her, in fear of being hurt by a bump or a push because he is oblivious to those around him, I ask myself this question.

When I feel totally alone and unable to take any more physical or abusive attacks from him, I ask myself this question.

I know the answer - even at my lowest point, but I have to remind myself often.

Why me?  Because I love him.

Why me?  Because I will never give up on him.

Why me?  Because deep down I know that I am capable of taking on this very special task, and that is to support him and encourage him, and love him through life.  Not every parent could do this job, of that I am sure.  I know my job is to believe in him and to help him reach his full potential.

The future often scares me.  I wonder at what it holds for us as a family, and for him as a person.

But when I ask the question, Why me?  I just know that it couldn’t be anyone else.