Personal Space
According to wikipedia, personal space refers to the space immediately around a person, that they consider their own.
Two people not affecting each other’s personal space.
Reaction of two people whose personal space are in conflict. (Wikipedia)
It can be difficult to work out Your Own Personal Space - and this can be especially so if you have autistic tendencies and struggle to understand social cues.
Personal Space has been an ongoing battle for us for quite some time - being quite affectionate, Jack struggles to understand the concept of personal space.
Our 2 kids have grown up in an environment where affection is openly displayed - in both our immediate and extended family they are constantly exposed to hugging and friendly pats on the shoulder/back etc. We consider ourselves blessed that Jack is open to being hugged (although on his terms!) however as he prepares to step into the world of school and broader social contact, the issue of understanding personal space has arisen.
Jack has a habit of grabbing people and hugging them… anyone from the neighbours, to acquaintances, to other children in his Kindergarten class. As a young child this brought comments of “how cute!” or “what a darling!”, but as he is getting older it is becoming “strange” or “rude”.
We use the idea of an ‘arms length’ distance from people, when trying to explain to Jack about what is an appropriate space to be from someone. We also talk about the fact that we need to ask someone’s permission before we touch them or ‘go into their space’ but still the concept evades him.
Our social stories have been quite basic in this area to this point so we are about to ’step them up a notch’ and include some role playing (perhaps even video recording the role plays so that he can watch them in action over and over again).
So if anyone has any thoughts or advice on strategies that they have used in this area, or any ideas on things that might work we would love to hear - that is, of course, only if this request doesn’t invade your personal space!!!
December 4th, 2007 at 8:05 am
I dont have the hugging problem with C. He loves his own space.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
“Keeps Hands and Feet to himself” is one of those The Elder gets “Hard” marks on! Yet, like you said, on his own terms. If I go hug him without warning he is quick to yell “Get off me!” Then silence, and then you can hear my little heart break. =o)
December 4th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
What a great post. We still struggle with this. When we took Maizie to The Cleveland Clinic the doctor said that even though they know very little about people with her specific chromosome disorder, it is very common for people with these disorders to be very endearing and show affection to strangers. Maizie also shows more interest in adults than children. She seeks out hugs and approval from adults. This can be a good thing but also, as most parents in these situations know…it can be dangerous. I too would like advice in this area. It is a constant struggle to explain to her what is appropriate and what is not. It is also difficult when so many people love Maizie’s enthusiastic greetings and hugs.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
My eldest dislikes having his space invaded but has no qualms about invading someone elses - on his terms only. This is an issue at school. He gets better about it daily. This year FINALLY his social/behavioural issues are taking a front spot, not a back spot in his education. OK, that’s b/c education wise he’s holding his own so they can deal with these issues, plus, for some reason they think Gr 3 is where they should push it.
I just keep talking to him, removing him from other people’s space. Telling others to please ask him to move from their personal space unless he asks permission to invade it.
The school and our family/friends are helping us with this. I hope to put him in a social/behavioural evening program. Right now the age appropriate group is too far away. Only the older kids are close. It’s a daycamp style class - fun - for an hour/wk.
S.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
We don’t have the hugging problem either. If Jaysen is getting in your personal space, it’s usually accompanied by “fists of fury”, and you should prepare for battle.
December 5th, 2007 at 12:21 am
My son who has Aspergers use to touch everyone until I did the following activity with him. I took a large piece of poster board and drew two circles and had them to overlap in the middle. I put pictures of him, his dad, and me in one circle. In the part that overlapped I put pictures of other family members to show that they are part of our circle and he may hug them. In the other part of the circle that didn’t overlap the family circle I put pictures of strangers cut out of magazines. I explained that they are not part of our family circle, so we don’t touch them. He immediately stopped and this hasn’t been a problem since.
December 5th, 2007 at 2:10 am
Thanks to everyone for your great suggestions!!!
Casdok and mommy-dearest - looks like the space thing is at the other extreme for both of you (mommy-dearest, we understand about the “fists of fury” - plenty of those moments too in our house).
Jen P - It’s hard to pick those moments - it’s really one extreme or the other!
Maizie (Marla) hopefully there is something here that helps you too!
fw2 - We’ve decided we’ll talk to his teacher about working out a system that we can put into place both at home and for school next year, maybe this will help!
Kim - we are definitely going to try the diagram and pictures on the poster board (off to get some poster paper today!).