Award.. and some rambling.. so much to catch up on..
Well after having some ‘catch up’ time after the events of the past week or so, I have so much that I want to post about!
Firstly is a recent award; I feel very honoured to be the recipient of ”The Spreader Of Love Award”. A very big and special thank you to Michelle at In The Life Of A Child for this - my first reaction to the award was actually a little tear that came to the corner of my eye… (the award came at the end of my long and challenging week)!
All our blogging friends are extremely deserving of this lately, but I am going to pass this award along to Tulip Mom, who is busy preparing for a baby and who has made me cry recently (like I wasn’t crying enough already!!!) with a couple of very heartfelt posts, and to Laura, who doesn’t officially blog, but who is a regular reader of our blog - and who has plenty of love to share!
So now on to my rambling…
I’ve had quite a busy time making phone calls, and researching, and then making even more enquiries into getting some help for us all in dealing with Jack’s aggressive moments. I’ve had some luck and have been referred to a counsellor (through our state Autism organisation) for some assistance, and have also been directed to a whole lot of resources that will be useful as we work through these issues. Yay!! We’re finally seeing some light, and a way to crawl out of the tunnel - well at least we’re heading in that direction anyway!
Steve and I have been tossing up the idea lately of trying to get together some sort of ‘coffee group’ for parents of autistic children in our local area. There is a formal autism support group some distance away from us, but we’re really looking for something local as ideally we’d like to meet other parents and families who are close by. So we’re going to get working on this idea and hopefully get together a small group of other parents who are interested in catching up informally on a regular basis. (And if anyone has done anything like this before and has any suggestions or ideas.. we’d love to hear, and we’ll post on this more as we go along.)
Jack had his third day at school yesterday, which was also his first ‘full’ day. He is coping really well in the classroom - in fact much better than we could ever have imagined, but he is really struggling in the playground (and this was certainly highlighted yesterday when he had his first experience of the long ‘lunchtime’ break). We always knew that this part of the school day was going to be his biggest challenge, but now it’s just a matter of working out the best way to manage it. His teacher has been absolutely wonderful and totally supportive (we couldn’t ask for better), and yesterday she arranged for him to spend the second half of the lunch break (when she wasn’t in the yard to supervise him) having ‘down time’ on the computer. She also mentioned to Steve, when he picked Jack up at the end of the day, that the staff were going to work out the best way to structure lunchtimes for him - I’m going to meet with her about this later in the week. We just feel so blessed that Jack is in such a wonderful supportive school environment.
In my search for help and advice over the past few days a couple of people have asked me where we usually turn for help and assistance when things get tough or ‘challenging’ or when we just need to talk through stuff. This really made me stop and think, and I started to wonder myself. I know that I always have my mum and dad as a support mechanism, but otherwise we simply rely on the support network that we have through blogging, and an online forum that we visit… So don’t answer me now, but I’m planning on posting soon about support - in an attempt to discover where people find it, and how people deal with the unsupportive influences in their lives (around autism!!)…
Oh, and just quickly on a different topic, I must make mention of the fact that we had a snake in our backyard yesterday afternoon. A passerby spotted it moving across the road and into our garden (we have an empty paddock across the road from us and bushland a short distance away). It was a brown snake about 4 feet long - common in the bushland of Australia, but their bite can be deadly! It disappeared into hiding somewhere in the garden, and we’re praying that it has decided to move on, (but for now the kids are confined to indoor play, and I have to admit I’m a little nervous about going out to hang the washing on the clothes line… silly I know - but I really don’t like snakes)!! I’m just grateful that firstly, someone spotted it so that we knew it was around (seeing as Jack likes to hide in under the bushes in the garden), and secondly, that Jack was at school at the time when we had about 6 men (who were working on a building site a couple of doors down and who had spotted the snake as they were driving along our street) going through our garden with shovels trying to either kill it or scare it away. I don’t think I could have coped with his questioning and panicking - it was enough trying to explain later to him why he couldn’t go and play outside!!
So now that I’m nearly caught up…!!
Have a great day everyone,
Elissa 
February 5th, 2008 at 3:53 am
Congrats on your award and thank you so very much for passing it along to me. I am truly honored.
I hope the counselor proves to be a helpful resource in dealing with the aggression. And I love the idea of a local coffee group …. if we lived just a wee bit closer, I’d be the first to join. I’ll be looking forward to hearing updates on both of these fronts.
It sounds like Jack has a wonderful teacher (which I’m sure is a BIG relief for you). Thank G-d for not-so-small favors!
As for that snake, I’m impressed with how calm you seem. I think I’d be freaking out (not that that would help matters).
February 5th, 2008 at 5:42 am
Don’t worry Tulipmom… 24 hours ago I was certainly freaking out like nothing else!!!
I’ve managed to calm myself down about it now - I’ll be sending Steve outside later today to bash around a bit.. hopefully lots more noise and banging the ground around all the garden beds will ensure that if it is still around, it won’t be for long!!
February 5th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Congrats on your award!
Realy glad to hear that Jack is doing well!
Ive run a few support groups in my time and have found other parents and their knowledge/experience the best support.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I think you definitely deserve the award. : ) Yes, recess can be heard for our children with ASD. A speech therapist went outside for recess a few times last year to help my guy learn how to play on the playground. Computer time works though. Best wishes in forming the support group. You and Steve will make excellent organizers.
February 5th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
The one real frustration with ASD is that each case is so individual. Things that work for one won’t always work for another just as the effect of ASD on one child can be so radically different from another child that is also ASD. It turns everything into a moving target. But keep working at it. It’s so worthwhile when things start to work out.
February 5th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
All sounds great, other than the snake! EEK! Glad Jack is adjusting to school well and the parts that are difficult they are dealing with which is wonderful.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
It is so wonderful to hear that Jack’s school is so supportive! I’m having one heckuva time with Jaysen’s school. Reading about your successes really gives me something to hope for.
Yeah- I’d be freaking about the snake too.
February 5th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Awww - I’m glad the award encouraged you a little! You’re doing such a great job and are such an inspiration to other families. Hang in there Elissa. And hope that snake finds a new place to hang out! : P
February 6th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Congratulations on your award - you certainly deserved it! I’ve really appreciated what you write about here and it’s encouraged me and helped me realize that I am not alone in raising a child with ASD - without all the drama of controversies, etc. So, good for you on spreading the love! You both would be great to start a support group too! If I wasn’t so far away, I’d be there!
And yikes! A snake? I really hope that thing just disappears for you very soon!
February 6th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Congrats on the Award you deserve it.
So glad the school situation has been improving. Good luck with getting something sorted out for lunch times.
A snake - super scary. I’d be more scared of that than the RedBack we found. At least the pest control people can spray the house for spiders. Not much they can do about snakes.
February 6th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
It warms my heart to know that an award I created is causing such love and joy all over the place… my eyes are tearing up thinking about your eyes tearing up! This is the reason I created the award. To spread Love.
B @ The Love Blog
iamlove.blogspot.com
February 7th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Wow. A poisonous snake in your yard. That would be a trip. I hope it has moved far far away.
Congrats on your award. You certainly deserve it. Your blog was one of the first blogs I began reading on a regular basis and is a big favorite of mine. I always love your pictures and enjoy your honest look into life.
I am glad that you are looking into more support. I need to be doing the same. So often we get stuck in the process of doing everything ourselves. Every time we have tried for support we have been denied so I get so tired of it and I think I gave up. Maybe I should try again.
I love your idea of a coffee group. Joe and I facilitated a support group when Maizie was about three until she was about six. It was quite a great group. We ended it when we moved to NJ and did not start it up again when we moved back. In fact I did not tell many of the people that we even moved back. Yesterday I got a call from one of the old members and I was happy to hear from her but am certainly not sure about restarting a group at this time. I also do not want to become a support person for people to call all the time. (that sounds terrible) It does take a lot of energy. It is great for support but my only warning would be to set clear boundaries early on. Many parents will begin turning to you for endless support (usually via long telephone conversations). In some cases, this is great and in others it can become too much to handle as you are trying to find your very own support. I was bombarded often with phone calls from distraught parents. It became very time consuming and drained me of much needed energy I needed for my own family. I was not very good at setting boundaries, as you can tell.
So, if you keep that in mind and really think about how much support you personally want to dish out it could be a fantastic experience for you and your husband.
The other difficult challenge was that many parents could not find child care for the get togethers. We had the group chip in money and hired sitters and were able to get a school to let us use their facilities. But, getting all of the kids together was a huge challenge considering they were a group of very challenging children. If I had to do it over again I would not offer any child care and encourage people to find support from family or friends to watch their children when they attend. That will make it impossible for some to attend which is sad. But, running the whole child care aspect of it was very stressful for us considering some of the children had severe behavioral challenges.
I don’t want that to turn you off from doing it. It is a great experience. Just think it through and set the boundaries before you begin. That is what I wish I would have done differently.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Congrats on the award!
It’s great that Jack has such a wonderful school and great staff around him.
Good luck with starting a coffee group. They’re wonderful to be in - when you find the right gathering of people. I say that because I left one group I just wasn’t comfortable in. I was in another but it was only short-term. I’m still looking though. I’ll find a group someday.